Counselling involves a dialogue between two (or more) people. It is essential for both Therapist and client to have the client(s) clearly state the situation that is troubling the client(s) in order to effectively implement methods for change.

Many times people may feel as though they are “peculiar” or “different” because they are having difficulties dealing with a particular problem, or set of problems.

In truth we are all subject to stress created by changes in our circumstances, life experiences and situations. How we deal with these changes will vary from individual to individual and will be dependant on many things including life experiences, our relationships and self-esteem.

Essential to effectively implement strategies for changing the way we view things and thus give ourselves tools with which to cope is the ability to communicate how we feel. Once we can identify our feelings and responses we can begin to formulate ways in which to alter the outcomes of situations we may find ourselves in.

Communication and Counselling skills are fundamental to any helping task. Whatever the health modality - counsellor, hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, naturopathy, homoeopathy, massage - the best of techniques, interventions, and remedies are only useful if applied at the right time, to the right person, for the right reason.
Effective communication can help “get it right” at every step of the way.

Quite simply the communication process considers any communication as the sending and receiving of messages. A message is accurately communicated if it is received with the intention with which the sender conveyed it. Ideally, then, the message that is sent is the same as the message that is received.

This ideal situation is more likely to occur if both the sender and the receiver are using particular skills. The message-sender needs the skills of assertiveness. These include the expression of feelings, thoughts, opinions, and desire in a clear, direct, honest, and appropriate way. The message-receiver needs listening skills, i.e. the ability to hear, see, and sense the message without interference.

The message received may not be liked or wanted but using assertiveness and listening, conflict may be resolved.

Listening

Definition: - Hearing is a function of the senses; Listening is a skill which requires practice to master.

Listening appears to be the easy part of communicating.

Don't we listen to people all the time? Don't you hear people say, “I'm a good listener”? Just pause for a moment here to consider how many people truly listen to you.

A good listener operates in a way that conveys their understanding of not only what you are saying, but also what you are not saying.

Beyond that, a good listener responds to parts of you that may not even be conscious of at the time of communication. You may be astonished to realise that true listening is rare. It is a skill that needs constant attention, concentration, and practice.

When people declare listening goes on all the time, they are referring to ‘hearing’. I may hear what you say without listening to what you say. This is humorously characterised in the scene where one spouse angrily accuses the other, “You're not listening to Me!” - to which the other replies, “Yes I am. You said.…….” The accused then repeats verbatim what the other has just said, but with no understanding of the issues. One has heard the other, but has not really listened.

Non-verbal communication - the hidden message.
Often when we think of communication we think of speaking and listening. It is an essential communicating skill to be aware of the non-verbal aspects of sending and receiving messages.

“Non-verbal” is the un-spoken part of communication. In the largest sense, every action communicates something about us to other people: The clothes and jewellery we wear; the car we drive; the house we live in; and the way our body moves, sits, stands, and “speaks”. Consider your own actions and possessions. What do these aspects of your self communicate to the world about you?

The body speaks on levels that are mostly subconscious, and often more revealing and truthful than verbal language. “Body language” communicates a person's feelings, experiences, personal and cultural background. Many studies have indicated the percentage of a message that is transmitted via different means.

Estimate yourself how much of a message is transmitted by:

• Words: Less than 10 %
• Tone of voice: Less than 35 %
• Body language: More than55 %

It is no wonder, then, when you receive a “mixed message” i.e. where the verbal and non-verbal components do not match, you will believe the non-verbal communication. It is also likely you will feel confused, because the non-verbal part of the communication is often received subconsciously.

An awareness of this aspect of communication, - the majority of the communication - is vital to developing and improving your counselling skills. You can use your knowledge of non-verbal communication to hear the whole message. The words alone will convey the content of the message, and the body language and tone of voice will convey the feeling parts. The body language also may convey subconscious material.

Each of us has the right to be the final judge of what we do, think or feel.

The right to judge our own actions is the most basic of our rights. This right implies the need to be responsible When we declare that we have the right to be independent of the opinions of others, we must give up trying to blame others for things that go wrong. We also become responsible for accepting the good things that come from being our own judge, so we may need to learn to accept the praise and good regard of others.

We have the right to silence.

We may feel the need to explain our actions or we may not. We have the right to act without explaining, and the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.

We have the right to change the way we feel about issues and people.
How much are we responsible for another person's problems? Helping others because we feel obliged or guilty is often damaging. A reasoned judgement of responsibility is more likely to help than compulsive efforts to put things right. Think about how you would react if the other person stubbornly refused to change.

We have the right to change our minds.
Everyone changes as we grow, and we often gain more facts about a situation as it develops.

We have the right to make mistakes.
Since we have the right to judge our own actions, opinions and feelings, how perfect do we have to be? While failure is not pleasant, it does happen. If we make mistakes, we should be able to accept them without being obstructed or disabled by guilt.
We should also be responsible for the consequences of our mistakes.

We have the right to say “I don't know”.
Rather than remaining inactive waiting until we know everything before we act, or pretending we have knowledge and skills that we do not possess, we can say “I don’t know”. Should others expect us to know everything? No one has the answers to everyone else’s problems.

We have the right to resist others’ attempts to prove us wrong by logic.
Do we have to be liked by everyone? We can deal with others, even if we do not have (or might lose) their goodwill. Trying to buy approval is often counterproductive, and certainly takes time and energy that might be better used in problem solving. We can be free of the need to be liked by everybody.

Does every decision we make have to rest on solid logical foundations? We may have to make decisions without all the facts at hand, or we may make decisions based on intuition. Similarly, we can accept our feelings, even when they seem unreasonable.

By learning about our responses to situations and people we can begin to effect the changes we desire and increase our participation and enjoyment of this great adventure we call “life”.